Haven’t written in a while. Life is fairly stable at the moment. Just had a great weekend with friends I don’t see very often, and I ‘m taking this week off. Good to take a break from routine.

My daughter has informed me that she and her long-time boyfriend have been discussing marriage!  First, however, they have to try living together, so a marriage is probably a couple of years away.  However, getting to the marriage discussion is HUGE.  He’s had major problems with commitment during the relationship, but realizes she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and wants her in his life (they’ve broken up several times already, but keep coming back to each other).  I know they do love each other, and I really want this to work out.  Fingers, toes and paws (canine and feline!) crossed!

Too many people I know having medical problems lately.   Work colleague and friend’s sister just diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer.

Another very close friend had a botched breast biopsy which probably wasn’t even necessary, given that the thing the doctor was trying to biopsy had been present for many years.  However, it was a new doctor, and the latest mammogram report didn’t show anything there (did someone screw up writing the report, I wonder).  In any case, the biopsy needle went through a blood vessel and caused a HUGE hematoma (bruise) in the breast, since the blood had nowhere to go.  The biopsy could not be completed, either.  What a waste of time and money!

My brother spent three weeks in the hospital after emergency bilateral inguinal hernia surgery.  He’s home and starting to improve, but still doesn’t have much stamina and his gut’s not behaving the way it should.

Sigh…

I love my daughter most dearly, but the continuous problems she has with money management drive me INSANE!

She’s about to turn 30, and she is still getting into financial difficulties, which require her to beg me for a loan.  The latest such event occurred a couple of days ago.  I’ll spare everyone the details, but suffice it to say that I gave her the money yet again.  Shame on me!

I told her a while ago that the Bank of Mom and Dad would be closing on her 30th birthday, and I mean to stick to this resolution, no matter how painful it is for both of us.  Dear sweet girl, if you read this, I am not trying to shame you, but telling you in no uncertain terms that you must now be totally responsible for your own mistakes in this regard.

October 1 was my beloved mother’s birthday.  She would have been 90 years old today.

The pain of her death has receded, but the longing for her presence remains.  I think of her frequently, particularly around this time of the year.  Not only is today the anniversary of her birth, but we are in the midst of the Jewish high holidays, and that is also the time of year that she died.  I’ll never forget her saying to me, the last time I saw her, “I forgive everyone.”

Perhaps that was only because she knew her death was imminent, and she wanted to clear her conscience, but I think she was quite aware that the High Holidays were coming, and that is one thing religious Jews do at that time of year.  They make amends for sins committed during the year, and start fresh.

Life otherwise is very good for me.  I have been at my job here in Asheville for almost exactly four years, and I love living here more than I could ever have imagined.  There is something that ties me here to this part of the country in an almost mystical way.  I actually feel sadness when I have to leave the area.  I never had that sort of relationship with the place in which I lived before, although I remember that the first time I went back to DC after we moved here, I saw it through fresh eyes and had some bittersweet feelings about not being there.  Those feeling have been moderated by the sheer unpleasantness of being in such a crowded place.  Each time we go back, I dislike it more.  I wouldn’t go back at all if it weren’t for our family who are there, and who are important to us.

A whole year has gone around since the last time I talked about the anniversary of my mother’s birth.

She would have been 89 years old today.

How can nine years have gone by since she died, I ask you?

Ten years of not being able to talk to her, except in my mind.

Ten years of remembering her every time I see a rose, eat brisket, read about lung disease or atrial fibrillation in the elderly.

Ten years of wishing I could ask her a zillion questions about her life, her family, what to do about this or that.

Wondering what she would have been like at 90.

It’s almost certain that if she was still alive, I wouldn’t be here in North Carolina, because I wouldn’t have wanted to leave her.

Mom, wherever you are, know that you are still very close to the surface of my consciousness. I miss you…and Dad too.

I understand you both better the older I get.

No, we haven’t moved from the old house, but our guest house, which started construction back in July, is finally a reality! I will try to upload a photo, just to give you an idea of what we have wrought (or at least, have paid to have wrought)!

It is a beautiful little gem of a house, set in the woods. You can only see the mountains when the leaves are down for the winter, as they are now, otherwise, it’s very different from the main house. There are two bedrooms, but three places where people can sleep, since we put futons in the two bedrooms and the great room (which is fairly small, but gets to be called a great room because it does have a cathedral ceiling).

The design is fairly unusual, because the house started life as a three-car garage. It evolved over time to become the house that it is today. First, we thought we’d put a studio apartment over the garage. Then it was a one-bedroom house. It became a two-bedroom house when our community association reminded us that there was a certain minimum square footage required.

Jeff and I slept in the house the night after Thanksgiving, in front of a crackling fire in the fireplace. Sounds romantic, but the reality is that the flickering light actually made it hard for me to get to sleep.

Today would have been my mother’s 88th birthday.  Eight years after her death, I still miss her very much.  I often think of her as I go about my daily business.  It’s usually when something that reminds me of her — music and food are the most powerful triggers — is present, but not always.  I wish she could have seen where we live now.  I think she would have really loved how beautiful it is.   It has occurred to me, though, that if she was still alive,  I probably would not have chosen to leave the DC metro area if she was still there.  So maybe her death actually freed me to come here.

Nevertheless, I need to acknowledge her on the day that would have been her birthday.  I wish I could be giving her a birthday hug and eating marble cake with her today.

Those of you with parents still alive, please love them while you’ve got them, and make sure they know how you feel.

Aidan has been with us for three weeks now, and he is a pure joy, a big goofy boy with the sweetest disposition of any dog I’ve met (well, Amber was a real sweetie too, but not as mellow as Aidan). He is perfectly happy to let Libby be the alpha dog, so there are no issues at all between them (thank goodness!). Isis the cat was VERY annoyed with us for adding another animal to the house, especially a huge one like Aidan. She spent the first week of his tenure here in the basement, coming out only to use the litter box, but she’s back to normal now.

I’ve never had a boy dog before, so it takes some getting used to. I’m used to dogs who go out to do their bathroom business quickly. Aidan insists on a leisurely walk, at least to the end of the driveway, where he stops periodically to water the bushes or whatever has an intriguing scent on it.

He likes to play with toys. He has an orange Halloween witch which fits his mouth perfectly, and he’ll toss it around and frolic joyously.

I’d like to post a photo of him here, but at the moment, I’m not able to do it.

Well, we don’t have him yet, but we decided to get young dog rather than a puppy. I kept reading lots of posts on the collie mailing lists that talked about how destructive they were, and realized that now might not be the right time for a puppy.

So, we are trying to adopt Aidan, a sweet almost 2-year-old collie boy who is currently living in Knoxville, TN. I’ve talked to his foster mom, and he sounds just about perfect. She’s supposed to be checking references and getting back to us any moment, but so far we’ve heard nothing. We have plans to go get him this weekend but unless we hear something tomorrow, we’re going to have to postpone the trip till next weekend.

I HATE waiting!